Learning To Say No

from livewriterepeat.com

One of the hardest thing to do as a Filipino is say NO.  Let's face it.  We have been groomed since we were young to be kind and accommodating.  To a fault.  As much as possible we want to please everyone.  We don't want people to nurse feelings of 'sama ng loob' (hurt feelings?).

Maybe it's a cultural thing.  Unfortunately if left unabated, it could get us into trouble as we grow up.  More so as we mature and turn into professionals.

As a work at home professional, I work US hours.  Actually it's a compromised US hour.  I start my day at 3pm Manila time and finish my shift at 12midnight.  Translated to Eastern Standard Time (EST), I work from 3am to 12noon.  However, some of my colleagues would set up meetings way past this hour, or afternoon their time.  This leaves me feeling very conflicted.  Since I am already at that stage where I don't receive overtime pay, there really isn't any benefit for me should I decide to extend my working hours.  In which case I always have a couple of standing questions I ask to help me decide whether to accept a meeting invite or decline;

The first question is:

Are we racing against a very tight deadline?  If yes, I then ask myself, do I play a part in meeting that deadline?  If again I get a yes, then there's no escaping it, I have to attend that meeting.

My next question is:

How late is the meeting?  Is it after 3am my time?  If yes, I check if there's anyone who can stand in for me.  Effective teams will always have a buddy on standby for situations like this.  For mature organizations who use the 'follow-the-sun' model, the back-up my be someone from North America to ensure that projects with really quick turn-around gets 24/7 attention.  In this case, I ping my back-up to help me with the meeting.  It doesn't make sense for me to join a meeting and be just a zombie, staying on and not really contributing anything.  My back-up will then send me a note as to what transpired during the meeting and highlight any action item that I need to do when my shift come in.  Effective use of everybody's time zones so to speak.

Those are the things I consider whether to accept or decline a meeting invite.  If a meeting invite comes that require me to be present and it's after my shift I quickly filter that through my time tested series of questions.  If the answer to the questions fall short.  I respond with an emphatic 'decline' and advice why I can't join.

Learning to say no is a skill that every pinoy professional must develop.  Although we always want to be kind and helpful, we have to realize that there are limits to what we can do.  Clearly recognizing our limits and boundaries will help all of us toward a more fulfilling career.